Tag: podcast

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Mental Health Awareness Week

So. Mental Health Awareness Week. Everyone’s been talking about it. I’ve jumped on the band wagon. Clearly.

I am someone who has actively advocated the importance of emotional well-being. If you’re a regular listener of my podcast, you’ll know that with every series I have included a bonus episode with Uschi, who used to be my counsellor. I’ve listed where you can listen to these episodes at the end of this blog post. We talk about her top three ‘Keeping It Reals’ that we should all live by generally, how to overcome your childhood and affirmations vs afformations- what’s that last one? Listen to the episode!

I’m writing this at 11pm on a weeknight…when I promised myself I would improve on my ‘sleep hygiene’ and make sure I get a good solid 8 hours sleep per night. Alas, that’s not going to happen tonight, because now my mind is whirring away with what I want to say in this particular post.

It shouldn’t take a ‘Mental Health Awareness Week’ for us to acknowledge how vital it is for us to be talking about depression, emotional well-being, anxiety, bi-polar, psychosis etc, without it being a taboo subject. I use to tell my friends that depression (and the like) is like a cancer of the mind. Not from personal experience – I can’t say I have been depressed or lived with an illness that affects the mind. But I have been around people close to me who live with depression and psychosis. And in my not so distant past I have felt despair. I know how tough it is when you can’t think straight, when you can’t see the wood for the trees, when it feels like there is no light at the end of the tunnel…except there is… always… light at the end of the tunnel. Cliché 🤷🏻‍♀️

I want to share what helped me… and it was counselling. I’ve written about the benefits before so I won’t repeat myself (check out this previous blog post here). But I did have another great tip to share from Uschi…

In my sessions with her I used this term ‘get a grip’ consistently, not just about myself but when I was talking about others too. Needless to say, it really isn’t helpful to have this mindset and expectation of oneself… or others!

For me, I used this term as a way of blocking my feelings. I’d put on a show for everyone, the smile was always on display. In 1:1 chats with people I would breakdown…sometimes when there wasn’t time for those chats, I’d sit alone, in my car, in the carpark at work, at the end of a long day of ‘keeping up appearances’ and just cry. Proper snotball sobbing (attractive). Then I’d give myself a hard time for allowing myself to cry and keep telling myself ‘I need to get a grip’.

My expectation of others was not down to a lack of empathy. I used to be quite the people pleaser and always put others before myself. It was more because I would build resentment to those I was ‘pleasing’ and myself. I would wish they would change and just ‘get a grip’ because I felt like I was being taken for a mug. And then I’d beat myself up for not doing anything about it – and that’s no good for no-one.

So Uschi’s tip on getting over ‘getting a grip’ was to put my hand on my heart and just allow myself to feel what I feel. If you follow me on social media, you’ll know that I refer to ‘Hand on Heart’ a lot and use these emojis ✋🏼 on ❤️… A LOT! I’ve had many transformative tips over the last two years and this has been one of the most important ones… because it has finally helped me LISTEN TO MYSELF! Sounds like a weird thing to say, but I never listened to myself before. I ignored myself. I put myself last. Every. Single. Time.

By taking a few moments to put ✋🏼 on ❤️ and just sit with my feelings and acknowledge them, it is easier to ‘let go’ of any negative energy because I confront those feelings head on. Then I figure out what I need to do to resolve them… and more often than not in my case, the resolution is always an act of self-compassion, i.e., setting boundaries. This means saying ‘no’ or ‘not right now’ or ‘I can do this instead’. This approach has been life changing. Because now I set clear expectations from the off. I don’t put everything all on my own shoulders to sort and in turn I have been respected more for it (in some cases I haven’t been and there has been resentment from the other person but I no longer have the people pleasing side of me. I am now OK with them not being OK).

So that’s it…from Uschi – ✋🏼 on ❤️ feel what you feel and from me… set boundaries. I make it sound easy. It isn’t. But with time and practice it becomes a lot easier. Remember to read the previous blog post I referred to earlier because I share some useful info on who to follow on Insta for inspiration!

Oh and I do have another tip – a recent discovery – the Wim Hof Method! It’s a breathing technique that just opens me up and has really helped transform my meditating! Check out Russell Brand’s podcast Under The Skin. He has a specific episode with Wim Hof which you can listen to here. Fast forward in at 59 minutes and 17 seconds. This breath work is an amazing way to get a natural high…it gives me the tingles! I’ve been doing this first thing every morning for the last couple of months… it’s the best way to start the day!

Here are the podcast episodes with Uschi I mentioned earlier: Her Keeping It Reals, How To Overcome Your Childhood, Affirmations vs Afformations.

If you need help with your emotional well-being there are affordable alternatives to private counselling (just because NHS waiting lists are huge). Better Help could work for you. There are also the charities Mind and Samaritans who can offer you support. In the meantime, I hope the podcast episodes I have shared goes some way to helping you or someone you know. 🙏🏼🙂

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How to Fail with Elizabeth Day

EVERYONE MUST LISTEN TO THIS PODCAST!

I began listening to this at the beginning of lockdown 1.0 and it (amongst many other podcasts, as well as my dear friend The Podcast Coach) inspired me to start my very own podcast: The Diversity of Me; Keeping It Real.

Elizabeth Day interviews a plethora of incredibly interesting and diverse guests, from all walks of life, many of whom are known on the world’s stage as either actors, writers, musicians or poets. She gets them to open up in a way they never have done before, because her own honesty is infectious.

Each guests talks about three failures and how these failures have impacted them and their life trajectory. Elizabeth opens with beautifully written (and beautifully spoken) introductions. Every single time, I am lured in to invest up to 45 minutes, sometimes even an hour of my time, without any hesitation, because I know I will learn something from what inevitably turns out to be, an illuminating conversation.

This isn’t a podcast just for women. It’s for EVERYONE. Whilst it’s true that it does showcase women more so than any other gender, I guarantee you will come away with your ‘knowledge bank’ fuller and it will be for the better – no matter who you are.

MY TOP 5 MUST LISTENS

Mo Gawdat

Mo used to be the Chief Business Officer at Google X. Following the death of his son, Ali, who was only 21, he was inspired to write Solve for Happy: Engineer your Path to Joy. He developed the Happiness Equation: “Happiness is greater than or equal to your perception of the events in your life minus your expectation of how your life should be.” How Mo talks about his son is quite emotional. Have tissues at the ready. Elizabeth records another episode with him during lockdown 1.0, upon the request of her listeners, which I’d also recommend.

Nadiya Hussain

I have never watched an episode of The Great British Bake Off but was very happy when Nadiya won, and have been very happy to see her subsequent success. As a British born Bangladeshi woman, she talks about her South Asian origin being steeped in patriarchy, how she wasn’t allowed to go to university, why having an arranged marriage has worked for her, the fear she had having her first child at the age of 20 and what life was like before Bake Off. Nadiya is an inspiration and realises the importance of her ‘showing up’ in the world of publishing and cuisine, so that the next generation of British South Asians have a role model to look up to, where they can see themselves in her.

Alain de Botton

Alain, a philosopher and founder of The School of Life, talks to Elizabeth about three failure concepts rather than choosing personal failures. He talks about how good people with the best of intentions can fail, how failure should be considered the norm and that human beings shouldn’t try to find contentment in the exceptional but in the average (I personally think this is dependent upon the scenario and about having a fine balance between the two). There’s also a bit about what you can learn from your romantic relationships that failed to last. Elizabeth’s listeners made another request during lockdown 1.0 to hear from Alain again, which I’d recommend.

Claudia Rankine

Claudia is an award winning American poet, playwright and essayist of Jamaican descent. Her voice is delightful to listen to, as is what she had to say. She was, of course, incredibly articulate and eloquent with every sentence she spoke. Claudia talks about her life’s work, being married to a man of European ancestral heritage and the importance of actively talking about race as a construct. When speaking of ‘white privilege’ Claudia referred to it as ‘white living’ – because it’s a way of living that isn’t diluted by the everyday fear of being marginalised or even killed. Elizabeth Day writes; “This was, I think, one of the most important conversations I have *ever* had about race.” And I would agree.

Gloria Steinham

OK, so if you don’t know who Gloria Steinham is, first of all, where have you been? Second of all, go and consult your friend Google [other search engines are available] and find out about her. NOW. I’d also recommend watching Mrs. America on BBC iPlayer (if you’re based in the UK), where she is played brilliantly by Rose Byrne. Anyway, as a woman in my mid 30s, I still haven’t decided whether I want children. Gloria has never had children and she talks about this, as well as a whole host of subjects including misogyny, racism, sexism, social injustice and her life’s work. A fascinating listen and one that doesn’t disappoint.

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